Well, I did it! Never in my wildest dreams did I think, four years ago today, that I would be living the life I am today. Drug free, clean and serene and happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life. I live my life, one day at a time. Just one day at a time, but to reach an annual milestone is such a huge accomplishment for me. That’s not to say that every day isn’t a struggle. Some days are better than others but I don’t ‘entertain’ those thoughts.
I won’t ever get rid of the addiction from my mind. It’s like a separate entity but I ‘starve’ it. I don’t weaken to it’s demands. When times are tough. When things aren’t going quite right. When I’ve had a shit day. There it is. Tempting me. Laughing. Saying “go on, just one cone – you’ll be right, it will make it all better”. I tell it to f(*^k off! It’s like my worst enemy some days but I persevere.
I’m not a religious person but I’m definitely a spiritual person and being clean has strengthened my spirituality. Some times I can’t believe my luck. I’ve got it so good now. A great place to live, a beautiful caring fiance, a fantastic job with great opportunities. I couldn’t get a break in my drug fuelled days. The whole universe seemed to be against me. Life just wasn’t worth living. I think by resisting temptation and enduring those really hard days, the universe is rewarding me with so many positive life experiences. Something I didn’t think would ever happen.
This time last year, as I approached the 3 year anniversary of my recovery from a 16 year addiction to marijuana, the universe threw everything it could at me. Somehow I got through it and here I am, another year on. I’d love it if the memory of addiction could be erased from my brain so I would never have to face temptation again but I know that’s not going to happen. Every day I will be reminded, and tempted, but every day I will get through it. I know I can do it. Nothing, no one, no how is going to beat me and jeopardise what I have in my life.
I’m not perfect. I am only human after all but there is no way I’m giving in to the beast that dwells inside me. It will never leave. I will live the life that I believe was intended for me. I will enjoy every minute. I will conquer my fears. I will fight my battles. I will never give up. I live just for today.